Telemarketing tips – Don’t let this happen to you!

I wholeheartedly agree with the Woody Allen Quote that I’ll paraphrase for my purposes "90% of success is just showing up."

Something I tell my clients regularly:  Do something to market your business — ANYTHING.  It’s better to mail a low-budget direct marketing letter to a small list than it is to wait forever to get the time to make the perfect letter, and to budget enough to mail it to tons of people, etc.

As it stands, so many small businesses end up in "analysis paralysis", doing nothing while they look for the best way, rather than doing something.  As a result, once you get off of your butt and actually do some marketing, you’re narrowing your field of competition significantly.

Your results from a bad marketing campaign are bound to be astoundingly better than the results you’ll get from no campaign.  Well, it would seem I’m wrong again,  there ARE exceptions to every rule.

So, there’s something I have never mentioned, because I assume everyone understands this…

It would seem that part of the success from showing up apparently includes NOT acting like a complete jerk while you’re there.

A client of mine recently experienced an amazing telephone call from a telemarketer who sells Google AdSense consulting.  Normally, I’d applaud this effort — getting business is a good thing.  Telemarketing can be great way to drum up business.  And in this age of "Do not call" lists, telemarketing to businesses is just about all that’s left.

Read the following transcript from his conversation with the man claiming to be Director of this company.  Make sure you read the whole thing. It’s pretty dull at first, but gets extra spicy at the end.

Pompous sounding telemarketer:
Hello, could I possibly speak to the person who manages the Google advertising campaign?

Small Business Owner:
That would be me.

Pompous sounding telemarketer:
Oh, it’s yourself?

Small Business Owner:
Uh-huh.

Pompous sounding telemarketer:
Well, I’m lucky there, aren’t I?   You also answer the phone?

(Note: You can tell here, that the caller is starting to be a bit of an jerk about the size of the company he’s dealing with – being able to reach the chief, cook, and bottle-washer so readily, who also answers the phone.)

Small Business Owner:
(chuckling) Of course. Why not?

Pompous sounding telemarketer:
(chuckles once, then abruptly stops) I’m the director of a company – we’re based in England. We have a satellite office in Miami, in the US, called Blueprint web marketing . We’re a world leading Google Adwords agency, which you, personally, advertise on.

Small Business Owner:
Okay…

Pompous sounding telemarketer:
Yeah… uh. Your advert appeared in Google Europe. Do you get much business from Europe?

Small Business Owner:
Uhm, we get a fair amount, sure.

Pompous sounding telemarketer:
(Incredulously) Oh, you do? Well, I mean what’s the business, primarily, being in the U.S.?

(Note: So, now the telemarketer is frustrated, since it’s obvious his primary appeal is that people are wasting their money on clicks in Europe when people don’t do business there. But this particular business owner has a product that be sold and employed world-wide.)

Small Business Owner:
I’m sorry, what the question again?

Pompous sounding telemarketer:
(louder) Most of the business that you generate will be U. S. based.

Small Business Owner:
What’s the percentage? (no answer from telemarketer – painful pause)

I’m sorry, I’m having a hard time understanding ya. (chuckles)

(pause)

Pompous sounding telemarketer:
Hello?

Small Business Owner:
Hello?

(another painful pause)

Pompous sounding telemarketer:
I’m sorry, do you not understand English? (sighs)

Small Business Owner:
Yeah…

(another painful pause)

Pompous sounding telemarketer:
(sounding QUITE agitated) Well, no, that was quite a rude thing to say. I mean, I thought you spoke English in America.

Small Business Owner:
(stammering) I, I do. I’m sorry… I’m having a bad… connection…

Pompous sounding telemarketer:
(interrupting loudly, and talking over the SBO)  It’s alright, no, it’s alright. I think, I think you’re as stupid as George Bush (slams phone down).

Small Business Owner:
(in disbelief) Oh, my God! (hangs up)

I tried to catch all of the subtleties of the call in my transcription.  But, for the full effect, you have to listen to it, yourself .

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