Depending upon how well you use it (Such as filling out good titles for your links, and content rich information in your “About Me” section) you may see a message like this on your Google profile like it appeared on mine this afternoon.

Your profile is eligible to be featured in Google search results. You can find your profile at <link here>.

Here are some ways to share your new profile with your friends:

• Add it to your IM status message
• Link to it in your email signature
• Note it in Google Reader
• Post about it on Twitter
• Share it on Facebook

These last three were dynamically created based upon the services which were hooked up in the Add Links section.  Make sure to set a vanity URL that matches your name as it appears in all other social media.

The awesome thing about it is that you can link to every last thing in the universe that you’re on from here.  FriendFeed, Twitter, Facebook, Digg, Friendster, Your Blog(s), You Article Marketing Feeds, Reddit, Delicious, YouTube, YouNameIt!

In my few tests, Google’s profile page for the user name in question (for several of my nomes de plume (sp?)) came up in the first page of results again and again.

Conclusion

If you want to be found set up your own Google Profile, and link to every last thing in the world with your name on it (that you’re proud of, at least).

To sign up, just do so over in the bottom right of my blog in the “Friend Connect” box using the “Join This Site” button. and you’ll get started right away in setting up your Google profile.

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Kumo Search Engine

It remains to be seen if the Kumo search will revolutionize search as a new visual search medium , or whether it will merely try to integrate with and leverage the latest and greatest social media technology . From a search engine optimization perspective, the new technology may mean new rules, such as tweaking out friend feed, twitter, or Tumblr to maximize your brand’s continued freshness on social media.

Right now, Microsoft only claims 8% of the search traffic,way behind Google’s 65% lion’s share of the search traffic marketplace.  While there have been rumours leaked about the rebranding of Windows Live Search for quite a while now, it seems that the a newly branded Microsoft search engine is a reality. Microsoft will have to find a viral way to truly compete with Google and Yahoo to get greater share of search traffic volume – a mere rebranding of irrelevant content will not be enough.

Microsoft Search Engine

Kumo.com is only available for beta participants so far, so you can’t use it until the “softies” have had their turn of stomping out all of the bugs.  You can rest assured, however, that as soon as their algorithm is roughly sorted out, SEO preferences will lean in the direction of whatever Kumo finds the tastiest. Here’s a sample from CNet of the full extent of Kumo Search Results

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This type of “productization” of my knowledge is one of the goals I push my clients toward regularly (you know who you are!).  I, too, have suffered from the malaise that my most meaningful content is hard to separate myself from.

Perhaps this medium can allow me to do so.  Now, onto the meaningful SEO tips !

Search Engine Optimization Tips

Today, we’re going to learn about the most important part of SEO, the on-page content.  First, content should be written for people, and not for the search engines.  But, your content should be written in such a way that the search engines can tell what your site is actually about.

In order to do this, make sure to use the <title >, <h1 >, and <h2 > tags to contain your targeted keywords.  Also, make sure to use your keywords in your text.  Your target keyword density should be between two and four percent.

Unfortunately, there’s no “perfect” density. But, too scant a density, and the search engines won’t realize that your page is relevant.  Too high a density, and Google will penalize you for spamming.

One easy way to increase or decrease your keyword density, is replacement of pronouns.  If your density is too high, replace your keyword with a pronoun and reduce the density.  If your keyword density is too low, find your use of pronouns when referring to your keyword, and use your actual keyword in its place.

What other Internet Marketing questions can I answer?  Leave a comment and tell me your ideas for future blog posts!

What is Keyword Density?

Keyword density is simply the percentage of your text that consists of your keyword or your keyword phrase.  For example, if your keyword phrase is “internet marketing ”, and you have 100 words on your page.  A singular occurrence of “internet marketing” would be 2% of your copy.  Say it twice, and now you’re up to 4%, very close to being considered “spammy”.  A quick way to dilute your keyword density is simply to add more copy.

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What is TweetBacks WordPress Plug-In?

The TweetBack plug-in automatically picks up conversations when people Twitter about your particular WordPress blog post and inserts each tweet as a comment in your blog.

It was working out pretty nicely for a while.  I even recommended TweetBacks to members of my inner circle, but then I noticed some very strange things only happening on this blog.

Suddenly, when I looked at the “Review Comments” console, I saw gobs and gobs of comments (~2,000) in many in different languages tweeting links to this this URL:

http://bit.ly/1BOWLu

None of the links to that URL had anywhere near the same copy in the Tweet, obviously they were just trying to scam any and everyone in the world to visit the URL.  Perhaps it loads malware or something, and the spammer isn’t terribly picky about how to prey on their next victim.

I immediately went to Google to see if anyone else has suffered from a similar malady .  Maybe there was some sort of confusion with my specific URL or something, right?  Well, I found enough blog posts about the issue for me to conclude that this was a widespread problem.  It became obvious to me that the right course of action was…

My Recommendation

1. Immediately Deactivate then uninstall the TweetBacks WordPress Plug-in
2. To get rid of the offending Tweets/Comments, execute the following SQL if you have access to a SQL tool (or ask your hired-gun nerdfolk to do this for you):
   

   DELETE
   FROM wp_comments
   WHERE wp_comments.comment_content LIKE
   “%http://bit.ly/1BOWLu%”

3. Help anyone else you see suffering from this by pointing them here.

Post Script:  (The Developer Responds)

Since sharing with the world, via Twitter, my recommendation to uninstall the TweetBacks Wordpress plug-in , several interesting things have happened.

1. The author of the script, @jdevalk replied to me through Twitter, telling me that I have no idea what I’m talking about, and that the “right way” to handle this undesired behaviour is to talk to the developer first.

While I respect his right to his opinion, I beg to differ with his prescribed method of resolution.  I believe that the proper way to handle any threat such as this is to

• immediately deal with the situation at hand,
• prevent further attack, then
• determine if there was any malice involved before making any personal accusations (which I have not).

Post-Post Script:  (United Against Spam!)

I have been working with Joost de Valk (@jdevalk) to iron out the exact cause of the issue.  He does seem like a rather nice guy , and is earnestly digging into the bug which has caused this unfortunate situation.  I look forward to being able to use this plug-in again.

After I have used it for a while and have greater comfort that we’ve bulletproofed the application and that you will not be adversely affected by any further bugs, I will happily share with you the results of our joint effort to combat the spammers .

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• What the heck are permalinks
• Why would I care about optimizing them?
• Will I have to undergo expensive surgeries in order to optimize?

What’s SEO?

Search Engine Optimization is the science, or art (in many cases) of tweaking things in your favor with the search engines.  No one can “guarantee” top rankings on search engines, because the method by which Search Engines work is not completely known and changes constantly.  In fact, Google even employs real people to validate search engine results – they dig through popular search terms to make sure that people aren’t accidentally getting “bad things” to the tops of the ranks and ruin their good name.

Which brings us to the …

Two Types of SEO

Off-Page SEO

Off Page SEO is when you do things to build in-bound links through any of a variety of methods.  Things like link-directories, link-swapping, and article marketing are all effective ways of building inbound links, thus off-page SEO .

On-Page (or On-Site) SEO

On-page SEO is the type of optimization you can perform on your page of which you are in complete control.  This type of SEO pertains to things like using good keywords in the body and title your pages, having sufficient keyword density and linking to other pages within your site using frequently sought keywords, and the like.

Google takes a look at many on-page factors when determining what makes a page relevant for a certain search term.  One of those factors is the URL of the page itself.  If the URL of the page contains the words that people are searching for, Google lends just a smidge (since there are so many factors) more weight to the likelihood that your page will be found as relevant for the sought keyword.

Here’s an example:

http://Using-Twitter.com/blog/How-To-Retweet

Now, when people are searching for things like “Twitter How To Retweet ” or “Using Twitter Retweet ” or similar phrases, that page will be considered more relevant for those terms because those words (and sometimes complete phrases) are matched perfectly in the URL.

Knowing what you know now… how does a URL like THIS compare?

http://Using-Twitter.com/blog/?p=7

Exactly. ICK!   Which brings us to…

What’s a Permalink?

“Permalink” is an abbreviated form of the phrase “Permanent Link.”  In WordPress, it’s simply the URL someone would use in order to directly link to a specific page in your site.  It’s also the URL that Google will (or won’t) send people to when they search for your targeted keywords.

How do I optimize Permalinks?

WordPress is very configurable, and as such, there’s an easy way to set your URLs to be far more meaningful to the search engines.

1. Open the URL “<YourBlogUrl>/wp-admin/options-permalink.php”So, for the site mentioned above, the link would be

   http://Using-Twitter.com/blog/wp-admin/options-permalink.php

2. In the “Common Settings” section, select the radio button marked “Custom Structure”.
3. In the big text box over to the right of “Custom Structure”, enter this value: “/%postname%/” (without the quotes)
4. Click the “Save Changes” button at the very bottom to put those new setting in to effect.
5. MOST IMPORTANT: Visit your home page and click a few URLs to make sure the new ones look like you expect.  If not, repeat the steps above more closely.

PLEASE NOTE: If you’re using a crappy hosting provider (such as GoDaddy), you will have to wait about 10-15 minutes for your changes to take effect.  Make sure to make these changes during slow traffic periods or after hours.  Better yet, switch your hosting company to one that doesn’t suck .

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In catching up with the world, a technology I had largely ignored showed me it has really grown up.  This little tool is called Twitter.

Success is bred from Solid Marketing Tactics

As you probably know, I’m not one to head for the latest gold rush, falling for the “do this xyz new fad before everyone else is already doing it” thing. Why pay $900 for a product or a report, when it will be available in 3, 6, or 9 months for a fraction of the price, only to have Google catch on to the new ploy and wipe it out.

I constantly preach how we, as marketers, need to be aware of how the tools of the trade are used against us as well as how to show restraint when using powerful strategies such as social acceptance and scarcity, and thus avoid buying every little product tossed my way.

Given this tendency of mine, I’m kind of a “late adopter” of most technologies, despite my technology background.

There are just so many new technologies being introduced that it makes no sense to rush into every latest thing. I didn’t buy Betamax during the video tape wars. Good thing, because VHS kicked its butt. I didn’t rush to buy an HD-DVD player the moment it came out – and look how I’ve been rewarded, Blu-Ray is taking over through strategic relationships. Both of these products have won, not because they’re better products, but because of classic marketing paradigms. Strong distribution and mass-adoption finally pushed each product over the tipping point.

Here’s another brick and mortar product metaphor to consider. Buying a fax machine, in itself, is meaningless. It is not helpful for most people to own a machine that picks up the phone and screeches into it. The value of a fax machine is not the machine itself, but rather the network you’re gaining access to. With a fax machine, you can send an image of a physical document to anyone in the world (who has a fax machine). Nearly every business and a lot of individuals have fax machines nowadays. Being an early adopter into the fax world gets you very little reach while the hardware cost was 10x as much as today. But, now it makes a lot of sense for a lot of businesses.

Similar to the fax machine, Amazon’s success model is how it connects hoards of buyers with hoards of sellers. If you want to buy or sell a product, you’ve got it made. Amazon’s price for connecting you to tons of people is trivial and the network of buyers and sellers is the reason to put an item on auction or consider buying from an eBay auction.

Sure, they were the first big online auction house. But that wasn’t the reason for their success.  HotBot and AltaVista were first big entrants into the search game, but Google still whomped them by providing a better product and making sure the world knew it. So, while being “first to market” sure helps, without the rest of the marketing vehicle in place, being first to market simply isn’t enough to guarantee victory.

So, what makes Twitter special?

Twitter might have been first, but that’s not the point. Twitter is nearing the breaking point of popularity. Barack Obama twittered his Presidential campaign progress. It’s gaining the same kind of household acceptance that Google and Amazon have attained. The competition from “Pownce” and “Zipline” has all but evaporated. Heard of them? I hadn’t heard of them until I had researched this article.  Twitter is absolutely nearing the tipping point, if it isn’t already.

So, what is Twitter?

Twitter is a “microblogging” tool for indicating short, sweet “tweets” of what’s going on in your world. These tweets are limited to the size of an SMS message, because it targets mobile phone users… and that’s a huge community. Through twitter, you can reach your audience in real time. You can show your mastery of your subject matter, broadcast items of importance, build suspense, and truly connect to your market.  Common practices for this connection process are the sharing of recent ideas, key news, links to articles you’ve recently published, and pictures of the family doing family stuff and otherwise “being human” to your readers.

With twitter people ‘follow’ the tweets of others. Those who are interested in your world can follow you, when they’re not, they can leave. So, to be followed, you should probably be some sort of interesting. For example, you can follow me on Twitter at http://Twitter.com/DaivRawks , if you were so inclined. But, as Zig Ziglar, master sales mentor says, “No one cares how much you know, until they know how much you care.” This is where the relationships come in.

By creating relationships, one at a time, you create your network – your viral communication medium of the 21^st century.  When people like the message you’ve delivered or are excited by the news they “retweet” your message to their own respective networks.  And they tell 70 friends, and so on.

I hope I’ve convinced you to give twitter a try. And when you look me up on twitter, you might just find me interesting enough to follow. And if you ask me a question, I’ll probably answer – that’s how this whole thing works.

I’ll continue this series with more specific insights on how to maximize your leverage on Twitter. See you there.

P.S. Remember, you can follow me on Twitter at http://www.Twitter.com/DaivRawks

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The question is “Why are your domain names so long, with all those dashes in them? Should I be doing that as well?” (A domain name is the .com, .net, or .org part of a web site address – aka URL)

The “right” answer to this question depends significantly on how you intend to drive traffic to your site.

Best Domain Names for Offline Media

If you plan on using radio or television advertising, it is important to be able to make sure your domain name gets heard properly, and then subsequently typed into their browser when they get back to the computer. Combine that with being billed by air time, and you don’t want to waste time having to say the words “dash” between every word. You also want something catchy, rather than your company name. Like WinAFreeTrip.com or FreeCreditReport.com and so forth.

Best Domain Names for SEO

If you plan on using Search Engine Optimization to drive traffic to your site, you have a different battle. You see, people don’t actually type your URL in when using search engines, they just click on a link in the search results. If your domain name looks like spam, searchers will ignore it in the search results. If your domain name has nothing to do with what they’re looking for, they’ll ignore it as well.

But, here’s something interesting that few people realize, but it is VERY important to understand when creating a domain name. Google (and others) believe that the text used to link to your site/page is very descriptive of what will be found there. So when someone links to a page with the phrase “As Stupid as George Bush ”, it increases the chances that someone will find your page when searching for exactly that.

That’s the first piece of the puzzle – the next piece is that frequently, whether in forum postings, news releases, or what-have-you, people just type the full link to where they want you to go. The posting software automatically converts that into a link to your site. So when someone posts a link to your site using your domain name, the search engine sees that the words in the domain name are what someone will find there.

Let’s put that all together – if you have figured out that the people who you will sell your products best to are looking for information on Fog Horn Parts and you want to get search engines traffic to your site. You will do quite well to name your domain Fog-Horn-Parts.com . If .com isn’t available, .net, .org, .info, and .us are all possibilities.

What Google Sees

As a result, when someone links to your site with the text http://www.Fog-Horn-Parts.com , it will link to your site, and the search engines will see that “http www fog horn parts com” is what can be found at your site (turning the weird punctuation into spaces). You would do well, also, when possible, to leave out the “www” part – this wastes a word and distracts the search engine. You NEED the “http://” part to make the link work, so there’s no getting around that, I’m afraid.

You may ask yourself if people really do this – well, here are two real world examples linked to a site run Nina Hershberger who runs MegaBucks Marketing and makes a product called the wallet mailer:

• http://www.dankennedy.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=234&Itemid=200 links with the text “www.wallet-mailer.com”
• http://www.marketingbestpractices.com/Articles/a-most-amazing-direct-mail-letter.htm links with the text “http://www.wallet-mailer.com”

The result of these two links combined with the intentional choice of domain names for Nina’s site results in her site ranking ever so slightly better for the search “Wallet Mailer”, for which she has been coming up number one for several years now. And that’s where I come in. I largely do that through keyword research, article marketing, and a variety of on-page optimizations. (By the way: I use a LOT of pseudonyms, so you won’t be able to track my entire customer list, just by searching for my name.)

Now when someone wants a wallet mailer, Nina doesn’t even have to give them the domain name – all she has to say is “Look up ‘wallet mailer’ on Google, I’m the first link. ” While that’s a great claim for those in the right market, do not get yourself hyped up under the false impression that you can get to this point with such terms as “home loans” or “mortgage” without a tremendous budget behind you to build and maintain such a ranking.

To further justify this advice, some of the top press release and free-reprint-article publishers out there will absolutely not post articles that contain custom linking. They will only generate links back to your site when a full URL is typed into the article. So, you get a link. But the link text will only be your URL – so, the words in your URL have to count. That’s not to say that a link is meaningless. Sure, every link helps, but it makes a lot more sense to make it count as much as possible for your specific target keywords.

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Mark Joyner claims that he’s a blogging moron, and that he’d like your help reviewing his multimedia course on blogging.  So here’s his deal…

In exchange for posting the following code on my blog:

<div id="simpleology_blog_5d6c0d4d657fce5449be78315a6aefd3"><p>I’m evaluating a <a href="http://www.simpleology.com/training/blogging/index.php" _fcksavedurl="http://www.simpleology.com/training/blogging/index.php">multi-media course on blogging</a> from the folks at Simpleology. For a while, they’re letting you <b><a href="http://www.simpleology.com/training/blogging/index.php" _fcksavedurl="http://www.simpleology.com/training/blogging/index.php">snag it for free</a></b> if you post about it on your blog.</p><p>It covers:</p><ul><li>The best blogging techniques.</li><li>How to get traffic to your blog.</li><li>How to turn your blog into money.</li></ul><p>I’ll let you know what I think once I’ve had a chance to check it out. Meanwhile, go grab yours while it’s still free.</p></div>

Which ends up looking like this

I’m evaluating a multi-media course on blogging from the folks at Simpleology. For a while, they’re letting you snag it for free if you post about it on your blog.

I get to try out their courseware for free.  So, basically, the deal is: blog about their blogging stuff on a blog and you get their course.  Oh, and they’ve paid Google heftily, I’m sure, for the AdWords ad as well.

Here’s the page the Google AdWords sent me to:  http://www.simpleology.com/training/blogging/

If you’re interested, sign on up.  I imagine it probably has no idea if you take the code down immediately after you get the free software, but it’s a really cute idea for generating inbound links to your site and getting blog press.

Once you’ve posted and confirmed — witness the purity of the marketing machine at work.

• First, you sign up as a "member" — this makes you feel like your in some special club.
• Then you’re sent to a "BUY NOW for these special bonuses" page which has a whole bunch of completely unrelated crap as bonuses.  Some stuff about losing weight, stopping hair loss, the Atkin’s diet, meditation, and skin care.  I would smack any one of my clients for putting up a page like this.  I’m not always right…  I suppose it’s making him some money, or he’d have swapped out the bonuses for something that worked.  Or maybe the bonuses are really leaders into a number of his other product sites, and they’re not really bonuses at all, but infomercials for other products.  Regardless, you’re told — "Sign up now, or you’ll never see these bonuses again!"  Classic scarcity ploy.  But, the bonuses stink, so I don’t really care to sign up now… thanks.  You have to intentionally check the box which says "NO! I want to miss out on this once in a lifetime offer…" to make it through to the next page.  His button text is "Lock in My Decision" <ominous theme music follows>
• Oh, but wait… you click "No", then it sends you to ANOTHER page trying to hype it up some more.  You have to check the “No” box AGAIN.   It wasn’t there the first time I did it, so maybe it’s a split test thing to see if it increases takers.  An interesting idea.
• Next, he directs you to set his site to your home page.  Oh, my God.  Who wants that?
• Then, he directs you to install FIVE separate little spyware apps on your machine so that you’re always subjected to his branding messages.
  • Browser Bodyguard , Desktop Cockpit for Mac , Desktop Cockpit , Wimiki (no idea but he says it’s "essential") , Some Windows Vista Gadget
• Then he solicits the names and email addresses of some of your friends to further send the offer to…

It’s Simply amazing!

I suggest you sign up just to witness the wonderment of his raw marketing nerve.  When you think you’ve gone too far by asking for an email address in exchange for a white paper or free bonus, consider this example of the type of extreme marketing aggression and realize that the timid business owner is the one who goes hungry .

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• What is PageRank ?
• How can I see my PageRank ?
• What is the impact of a higher PageRank ?
• What does a given ranking mean ?
• How do I use PageRank , then?

Q. What is PageRank?

A. PageRank is a 0-10 ranking/rating system used by Google to indicate the relative importance of a page as compared to all pages currently indexed. Every time Google recalculates its indices, the counters start back at zero and get recounted from scratch. The PageRank rating is computed based upon the number of links to the page from other pages, and the PageRank of those pages which link to it. Simply stated, the more links to a page the higher the PageRank of that page. The higher the PageRank of the pages that link to a page, the higher the PageRank of the target page. Combine those two for maximum chewing satisfaction.

Q. How can I see my PageRank?

A. The easiest way to do this is to download the Google Toolbar . There are quite a few other tools out there to do this online, either through a toolbar or on a website. These sites come and go so frequently I don’t really want to risk putting this on here and having to fix the link in a few weeks.

Q. What is the impact of a higher PageRank?

A. Each ranking value is 10x higher than the value one below it. So, a PageRank of 1 is ten times as “important” as a page with a PageRank of zero. A web page with a PageRank of 5 is ten times as important as a web page with a PageRank of 4.

Q. What does a given ranking mean?

A higher PageRank does not mean a page will come up more often in search engine result pages. If that were the case Google would come up first for everything because of it’s ultra-high PageRank. Instead, it is simply the amount of force that a given page has relative to the content on that page.

So, a page with a PR of 10 with a little content about hamsters may come up later in the search engine results than a PR4 page ALL about hamsters. Further, a home page with a PR3 with content about hamsters may appear earlier than the aforementioned PR4 page.   And to take that one step even FURTHER, a PR2 home page about hamsters, on a 50 page site about nothing but hamsters may come up before any other the previously mentioned examples.

Q. How do I use PageRank, then?

If you can get a link to your site from a page:

• with high PageRank
• featuring content on a topic that matches yours,
• with the right keywords in the link text, and
• very few links to sites other than yours…

You will have struck gold.   This is the Google equivalent of an incredibly important authority figure making a speech before an audience of thousands, and in that speech, saying “you need to go HERE if you want to learn about hamsters.” A PR7 or 8 site doing this for you would have the equivalent impact of being mentioned as Oprah’s recommended reading for the week. As a result, when Google has to figure out where to send people who typed in the word “Hamster” – your site comes up closer to first than if it did not.

To summarize with some examples and real world examples of how to use PageRank:

• 200 links from PR0 pages have the equivalent value and impact on both PageRank and Search Engine Results as that same link would from 20 similar pages with a PageRank of 1, or one link each from 2 similar pages with a PageRank of 2.
• If you have the change to get a link on a PR4 site that has nothing to do with your site, don’t waste your time. Similarly, it’s worth 100x the effort to get a single link from a PR3 site than a PR1 site with the same content.
• If you are considering linking to a page with a blank (or grey) PageRank, you may be linking to a page which has been blacklisted by Google. You are at considerable risk in doing such a thing. Google realizes that you have absolute control over the pages you link to. If you link to a page which has been blacklisted, you may wind up getting your page and/or entire site blacklisted. The only time a it’s a reasonable risk to link to a blank PR page is if the page is relatively new, and Google may not have updated its view of the page’s rank yet.

This whole PageRank thing ONLY matters if you’re using search engines for traffic. If you’re getting people to your site through off-line methods, referral-programs, pay-per-click, or what-have-you that is NOT search engine based, you can ignore all of this mumbo jumbo and just keep focusing on your current method for driving traffic to your site.

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Something I tell my clients regularly:  Do something to market your business — ANYTHING.  It’s better to mail a low-budget direct marketing letter to a small list than it is to wait forever to get the time to make the perfect letter, and to budget enough to mail it to tons of people, etc.

As it stands, so many small businesses end up in "analysis paralysis", doing nothing while they look for the best way, rather than doing something.  As a result, once you get off of your butt and actually do some marketing, you’re narrowing your field of competition significantly.

Your results from a bad marketing campaign are bound to be astoundingly better than the results you’ll get from no campaign.  Well, it would seem I’m wrong again,  there ARE exceptions to every rule.

So, there’s something I have never mentioned, because I assume everyone understands this…

It would seem that part of the success from showing up apparently includes NOT acting like a complete jerk while you’re there.

A client of mine recently experienced an amazing telephone call from a telemarketer who sells Google AdSense consulting.  Normally, I’d applaud this effort — getting business is a good thing.  Telemarketing can be great way to drum up business.  And in this age of "Do not call" lists, telemarketing to businesses is just about all that’s left.

Read the following transcript from his conversation with the man claiming to be Director of this company.  Make sure you read the whole thing. It’s pretty dull at first, but gets extra spicy at the end.

Pompous sounding telemarketer:
Hello, could I possibly speak to the person who manages the Google advertising campaign?

Small Business Owner:
That would be me.

Pompous sounding telemarketer:
Oh, it’s yourself?

Small Business Owner:
Uh-huh.

Pompous sounding telemarketer:
Well, I’m lucky there, aren’t I?   You also answer the phone?

(Note: You can tell here, that the caller is starting to be a bit of an jerk about the size of the company he’s dealing with – being able to reach the chief, cook, and bottle-washer so readily, who also answers the phone.)

Small Business Owner:
(chuckling) Of course. Why not?

Pompous sounding telemarketer:
(chuckles once, then abruptly stops) I’m the director of a company – we’re based in England. We have a satellite office in Miami, in the US, called Blueprint web marketing . We’re a world leading Google Adwords agency, which you, personally, advertise on.

Small Business Owner:
Okay…

Pompous sounding telemarketer:
Yeah… uh. Your advert appeared in Google Europe. Do you get much business from Europe?

Small Business Owner:
Uhm, we get a fair amount, sure.

Pompous sounding telemarketer:
(Incredulously) Oh, you do? Well, I mean what’s the business, primarily, being in the U.S.?

(Note: So, now the telemarketer is frustrated, since it’s obvious his primary appeal is that people are wasting their money on clicks in Europe when people don’t do business there. But this particular business owner has a product that be sold and employed world-wide.)

Small Business Owner:
I’m sorry, what the question again?

Pompous sounding telemarketer:
(louder) Most of the business that you generate will be U. S. based.

Small Business Owner:
What’s the percentage? (no answer from telemarketer – painful pause)

I’m sorry, I’m having a hard time understanding ya. (chuckles)

(pause)

Pompous sounding telemarketer:
Hello?

Small Business Owner:
Hello?

(another painful pause)

Pompous sounding telemarketer:
I’m sorry, do you not understand English? (sighs)

Small Business Owner:
Yeah…

(another painful pause)

Pompous sounding telemarketer:
(sounding QUITE agitated) Well, no, that was quite a rude thing to say. I mean, I thought you spoke English in America.

Small Business Owner:
(stammering) I, I do. I’m sorry… I’m having a bad… connection…

Pompous sounding telemarketer:
(interrupting loudly, and talking over the SBO)  It’s alright, no, it’s alright. I think, I think you’re as stupid as George Bush (slams phone down).

Small Business Owner:
(in disbelief) Oh, my God! (hangs up)

I tried to catch all of the subtleties of the call in my transcription.  But, for the full effect, you have to listen to it, yourself .

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